A big part of being broke-ish is talking yourself out of spending when you should be saving. Today, I’m talking myself out of buying Ivy Park.
God dammit Adrienne. Don’t do it. Don’t even think about going to Topshop.com. No part of you needs activewear. You haven’t been to a gym since 2012, unless you count that time last year you signed up for a Planet Fitness membership that you never actually used.
Oh what a surprise, you’re on Topshop.com. Why are you so obsessed with Beyonce? She would probably hate you in real life! You’re right, I crossed a line, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. But seriously, haven’t you given this woman enough?! You switched to Tidal. You bought the album. And the deluxe version of the same album. And whenever someone else is named People’s Most Beautiful Person you always casually bring it up in conversation just so you have a chance to yell “IF IT’S NOT BEYONCE THEY FUCKED UP!”.
Suuuuuuure, $35 isn’t too much for a sports bra. You’ll totally wear it all the time while you’re playing ALL NONE OF THE SPORTS YOU PLAY. Yes, those leggings are cool, but do you really need to drop $65 for the luxury of not wearing real pants? I know you want those joggers, but the only time you jog is when you’re meeting someone and have deluded yourself into thinking jogging a couple blocks will make up for the fact that you left your apartment a full half hour later than you should have.
Adrienne! Are you fucking kidding me with that backless hoodie?! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS, DO NOT SPEND $48 PLUS SHIPPING JUST TO FIGURE IT OUT.
Maybe if you invest in the clothes you’ll be motivated to go the gym again? Bitch please, that’s what you told yourself when you invested in that gym membership! At $10/month, that free tee shirt you got for signing up became really expensive didn’t it?! DIDN’T IT?!!!
Can you pay your bills? Can you pay your telephone bills? You can’t if you keep buying shit you don’t need! A sports bra is not going to turn you into Beyonce! She’s just fresher than yoooooooou. Fresher than yooooooooooou.
…Fine, leave everything in your online shopping cart in the hopes that you’ll be emailed if any of it goes on sale.